Understanding and breaking down anxiety - stop overthinking!

What is anxiety?

Anxiety is a thinking behaviour and an addiction. Each thought is a compulsive behaviour designed to soothe - as it gives us control - for a nanosecond we have the certainty of knowing what’s going to happen. The thought we have then creates fear, which creates a new need for another hit. Each hit itself produces further distress and more need. We become so sick and tired of ourselves going round and round and round. We become so used to having these habitual thoughts we mistakenly believe that “this is me”. We become so bogged down in unhelpful thinking habits that we struggle to differentiate between normal day to day thoughts, problem solving and rumination. We are told the solution to anxiety rests in analysing and challenging our thought process (CBT), however the solution for an established habit goes deeper than this.

Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) basics

Anxiety is just a behaviour we have programmed our brain to do. For the purpose of this article and understanding anxiety, we can look at our brain as a mechanical agent, similar to a muscle in our body, it will do what we command of it. In anxious thinking, we condition that “muscle” by creating particular neural pathways in the brain.

In other words, we teach our brain ruminative behaviour, otherwise known as anxiety, habitually engaging in unhelpful thinking habits such as catastrophising, comparison, believing we know what others think (often about us), filtering out the good stuff, telling ourselves we “should” or “must”, thinking about the past and feeling sad, thinking about the future and stressing or being self critical.  Once an established neural pathway and habit is formed, when our central nervous system is sensitised, rumination becomes our “go to” soothing behaviour.

Why am I so anxious?

When we engage in a ruminative practice, we give ourselves the relief of avoiding something uncomfortable - our true emotion. This is true of all compulsive behaviours. Ever noticed how we respond to an uncomfortable feeling by, say, reaching for a vape, or heading for the fridge, scrolling, or worrying, when something emotionally challenging is going on? We engage our cognition in the form of unhelpful thinking habits to distract ourselves from the true issue at hand - what’s happening for me emotionally? Once anxiety really kicks in, we become overloaded with so many thoughts and feelings, it becomes hard to differentiate which of our emotions are true or “legitimate”, i.e. emotion caused by a real event, such as a loss, vs “illegitimate”, i.e. emotion caused by something we have imagined by engaging in our ruminative process. Just as we unconsciously associate puffing on our vape with soothing and comfort, so too do we develop an association between anxious rumination with soothing.

How does anxiety soothe me?

It sounds counter intuitive, but anxiety is our brain’s way of soothing us. We may be fearful of an impending event, which causes us to ruminate, for example to catastrophise. In doing so, we are soothed by experiencing our brain’s control over the event, ie, because the narrative exists the way we believe it does, the certainty of this is comforting, and we already know the outcome. Of course, whilst we can rest assured our brain is in control, we simultaneously feel more fear from those thoughts, which creates further fear and more need for more rumination.  In spite of our brain’s attempt at control, the experience of anxiety is that our thoughts are out of control, however our brain is only doing the job it has been programmed to do. We only need to exert greater control when we feel things are out of control.

What causes and triggers anxiety? 

Any issue that has helped negatively shape our concept of ourselves provides rich pickings with which to populate and programme our brains with, and to perpetuate our anxious rumination. However, anxiety itself can be triggered by any emotional struggle, e.g. issues born of shame, lack of self compassion, inner critic, impostor syndrome, learned relating styles, people pleasing, insecure attachment, limerence, struggles with relationships, marginalisation, loss and grief - the list goes on. 

When CBT and exposure therapy aren't enough

Practicing techniques that challenge and manage your negative thinking processes and avoidance can genuinely soothe us and greatly help. CBT may be enough to help you out of anxiety spirals forever and then you're on the road to peace and happiness. 

However, if you are a dedicated and accomplished thinker or emotional suppressor, are deeply anxiously or avoidantly attached, or you have deeply entrenched ideas about WHO you are, you may find yourself slipping back into old habits. We may be able to break our habit using CBT, but the initial cause leading to the habit may still remain. The more developed our anxious process is, the more effort we will have to make to keep it in check. We are all prone to anxious process from time to time, given the right trigger. 

You may ask “what do I do when CBT hasn't worked?” Remember that anxiety is a symptom, a reaction to something else that is bothering us, that has developed into a habit. If you find yourself returning to anxiety, there is a need to uncover those deeper beliefs to change the way you relate to yourself and others.

How do I fix my anxiety for good?

Anxiety is never just “anxiety”. There is always something going on underneath for us, often things we may not be fully conscious of. Discovering what this may be enables us to relate with authenticity and develop deeper, more nourishing connections with others. When we feel truly accepted and connected to ourselves and others, we experience greater self certainty, direction and life satisfaction, less anxiety and less loneliness. Ever noticed how when you spend quality time with someone and you feel truly present and connected, your anxiety is soothed? 

Using our brain in a healthy way, for creative thinking, such as researching, studying, trying to solve a problem, engaging in conversation, brainstorming, making art and music etc is the opposite to rumination.  Ever noticed that when you truly engage your brain in a creative pursuit eg when intent on winning a game, you cease to ruminate and be anxious? 

If you want to beat your anxiety and keep it in check forever, seek to understand what you are doing and why. When you truly know yourself, this will enable you to accept yourself and change how you think and what you do. Work with a therapist to help you do this, and to understand how the way you relate impacts your relationships. Change your behaviour accordingly, seek to develop and maintain truly connected relationships with trusted others and let go of those which do not serve you. Acknowledge your abilities, skills, talents, values, attributes, and engage with gratitudes. Approach daunting tasks bit by bit, incrementally, until you've reached the end of the process. If others do it, so can you. Be present - acutely focus on what is in front of you. Choose how you think. Stop ruminating and apply your creative brain to find a solution instead.

Want to explore? Book a session https://www.theathenapractice.co.uk/contact-consultation we can work together to heal your anxiety, improve your relationships and find peace.