Impostor Syndrome

What is Impostor Syndrome?  

Impostor syndrome is defined as a behavioural health phenomenon described as self-doubt of intellect, skills, or accomplishments among high-achieving individuals.  

“I'm going to get found out soon and they’re going to realise what a mistake they made by hiring me”.

How do I know I have impostor syndrome?

There are many symptoms of impostor syndrome, most easily recognised in high achievers, who mask feelings of, but are driven by, a sense of inadequacy. We can be haunted by the feeling of not belonging somewhere because we believe everyone else is performing so much better than we are. We may continually go above and beyond, not because we genuinely love what we set out to do, but because we are seeking external approval or masking our true feelings. Our perfectionism becomes apparent when we labour excessively accomplishing simple tasks such as sending an email, because we need to provide, or to be seen as, ‘perfection”.  We may opt to keep our knowledge to ourselves in meetings for fear of appearing ignorant, and downplay our knowledge and accomplishments because we feel inadequate.

These symptoms can occur in any area of life, most noticeably in the workplace, also appearing in friendships and family relationships, as we seek to prove we are worthy and to gain the approval of others.

The impact of impostor syndrome

Increased feelings of anxiety and inadequacy lead to presenting a false version of ourselves in order to be accepted. In doing so, we deny what we really feel, which causes further self doubt, compounds our lack of trust in ourselves and the vicious cycle continues. We then struggle to connect with others which requires us to maintain the facade, separates us further and creates more self doubt and misery. We may carefully curate our responses to elicit a particular emotional response from others and seek constant validation which can be exhausting. We may people please, continually compare ourselves to others and feel overly responsible for the wellbeing of others to the detriment of ourselves. We may set unrealistic goals for ourselves which, when not achieved, further confirm our negative beliefs about ourselves. 

What are the triggers for impostor syndrome?

Our continual comparison to others in every area of our lives results in feeling as if we are “not where we should be” and self criticism when we don't (in our eyes) measure up. If we are the lowest earners in our social circle, we may take this as confirmation that we are lesser than others. Engaging in the compulsive behaviour of endless scrolling on social media can provide rich pickings with which to “prove” to ourselves that we aren't enough. If we fall into other unhelpful thinking habits and the resultant anxiety, this can further exacerbate our lack of self worth as we become more self critical. Working in highly competitive environments where targets and monetary compensation are the focus can trigger feelings of despair and low self worth. 

How does impostor syndrome develop?

Impostor syndrome develops in early childhood in our immediate family unit. We can’t blame our parents, they did the best they could and what they thought was best for us. Parental insecurity and instruction to always do better, results in a child’s understanding of their efforts to likely be inadequate, creating a drive to always do more or get it perfect. Examples are: a parent pressuring to achieve better grades, to always win at sports and stick to punishing schedules, be the best musician/gymnast/dancer/chess player etc, or a parent setting the example of needing to be, or have, the best outfit/gear/car etc. 

When a parent is over protective, controlling or critical, a child’s sense of self and ability to develop agency diminishes, as successes are attributed to the parent’s involvement. Should a parent dictate activities according to their preference rather than a child’s, this limits a child’s experience of choosing and learning for themselves. This can happen in a child’s academic arena, social relationships and out of school activities. 

When the outcome is praised above effort, unachieved goals cause a child to feel unworthy and a personal failure. If we have been raised by parents who demand success according to their expectations, or gain kudos from a child’s success, we may feel shame if we fall short. If shame and comparisons to others are used as a motivator for better performance, a child may develop a “win at all costs” mentality and very low self esteem, which may be hidden by projecting a false self.  When subject to expectations or responsibilities inappropriate to their developmental stage, eg caring for siblings or being the emotional crutch for a parent, their emotional needs will likely not be met, resulting in emotional suppression, insecurity and anxiety, and the belief that they are not worthy of success. Societal expectations around gender, race, ability/disability and other marginalisations and discriminations can compound feelings associated with impostor syndrome.

Overcoming Impostor Syndrome

Working with a therapist can help you overcome impostor syndrome by exploring your psychological makeup and to facilitate understanding and self acceptance. Work in therapy can help you to:

• Learn to enjoy making mistakes, which is the most effective way to learn 

• Accept that what you produce is good enough and don't look for perfection

• Create gratitudes for accomplishments, particularly with regard to self 

• Practice self compassion and make friends with your inner critic

• Practice authentic connection with others, share your fears and anxieties - if it is safe to do so

• Be aware of negative automatic thoughts, seek to identify any negative core beliefs and challenge their validity 

• Be aware of unhelpful thinking habits, know the difference between thoughts and  emotions, identify which emotions are genuine vs which exist due to unhelpful thinking habits

• Learn to set healthy boundaries

• Practice mindfulness and being present/living in the moment 

• Remember everything is simply a step by step process, persevere, you will get there in the end.

• Control what you can, let go what you cannot

• Watch your inner dialogue, STOP self deprecating

To facilitate the process, reduce social comparison by being selective which social media you engage with and set SMART goals to avoid a sense of failure and “not good enough”. Define your own measures of success.